What is loneliness? It is not about being on your own. Many people ( including myself) enjoy being on their own and would choose this for themselves for at least part of the time. They enjoy having their own space. They do not feel the need to have other people around all of the time to validate them or make them feel more comfortable. If someone experiences feelings of loneliness; it is usually not influenced solely by where they are or whether other people are around. It is possible to be in a room full of people and still feel very much alone. You can be part of a social gathering and feel lonely as if you are on the periphery and not fully involved with what is going on. This suggests that loneliness is a state of mind. It is tied up with how you feel about yourself. When we have low self-esteem, we have a choice about whether to change this. The prospect of change can be daunting. The challenge of embracing this is extremely advantageous, with rewards not just as far as how you feel about yourself but also in the quality of your life. The first task in changing our self-esteem is to alter how we view ourselves.
1. Instead of bombarding ourselves with an onslaught of negative comments, try to focus on the more positive aspects of yourself. This could include, physical, practical, personal, and emotional, attributes or things you are good at, and personal achievements.
2. Try asking members of your family, colleagues, and friends, how they would describe you. This may reveal several positive statements about you which are surprising and uplifting.
3. Write down positive affirmations about yourself.
4. Pay more attention to your thoughts and feelings. When you are aware of these being critical, try challenging them or using thought-stopping techniques.
5. Practise seeing yourself in particular situations when you feel confident and good about who you are and the circumstances you are in. Feedback from others is positive. People are paying attention to you. You are maintaining good eye contact. Feed as much information into this exercise as possible. Pay attention to your body language and how you converse. Make sure you choose clothes to make the most of your physical attributes and feel confident in them. Do you feel better wearing makeup and perfume? Remember how it feels to have a stronger sense of self-worth, to get positive feedback from others, and from your own reaction.
6. Try not to leave a situation because of feelings of discomfort or anxiety. This will only increase your fear of a situation at a higher level and give you negative feedback. This can be difficult to do. It may be helpful to remember that if you suffer from any symptoms of anxiety these are only an exaggerated form of how we all feel from time to time. They cause discomfort but are not life-threatening. Placed in a difficult situation, your symptoms any increase but they will reach a peak and come down again. Try not to be afraid of this feeling and run away from the situation. If you need to, use breathing exercises to take control of the situation. If you manage your situation effectively in this way, you will get positive feedback from the experience resulting in you being less fearful in the future.
7. Remember how you felt when you last heard a friend say something positive about you or when they did something that made you feel appreciated and liked. Spend less time concentrating on negative thoughts about yourself. Instead, be more focused on others. Do or say things to others which will make them feel good.
8. Put more fun into your life. Like, Share a joke. Try recalling something that has made you laugh heartily. Watch a good comedy. Get out some old photographs. It is even better if you can share the experience with a friend. Share the laughter!
9. Beware you are more likely to do this on your own. You could however go for a really nice walk somewhere and have your ropes in your pocket. If you find it difficult to fit exercise into your day: Try walking instead of using transport. If you must drive, park a little way from your place of work. If you take a bus, get off a few stops from where you need to. Use stairs, not the lift. If you have a sedentary job, make a point of getting out of your chair regularly and taking a walk in the building. Have a brisk twenty-minute walk at lunchtime. Try to get others roped in too! This will offer an opportunity to make a new group of friends. You will have a new shared interest and a sense of camaraderie. You may need to trust and be trusted by others. You will have the opportunity to give and receive positive feedback and have fun.
10. Exercise is useful in enhancing your self-esteem and will also benefit you by lowering your state of arousal. This means that more stress will be required for you to be affected by it. Increased muscle tone can help you feel more confident with how you look. Pick an exercise to meet your specific needs.
11. Stop comparing yourself with others. You will only come out of this disfavourably.
12. Stop judging others. More importantly, judging yourself!
If you have come this far and still reading it, I wanna let you know that I absolutely cherish your presence. And I hope reading it made you feel better.
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